Insights and Observations

Insights and Observations

We really hope our last few posts haven’t gotten you down, or haven’t left you worried about us and our happiness. Be assured, we’re just fine, and really quite happy.

This is the final part of the previous boat adventure series. We hope you will learn what we have come to see, realize, and accept. Initially we questioned whether we should write the 'grimmy' details posted in the last 3 posts, but after some humming and hahing we agreed that it would be beneficial to not only us but you as well.

There is a perception among some who think that when travelling abroad EVERYTHING is wonderful and spectacular and fun and intriguing and delightful and that in order to be a good “expat” you have to LOVE every bit of it.  But that’s not the truth- sometimes (just like back home) things are hard and not the way you’d expect them to go. But, the goal is to be able to learn something valuable about ourselves and about the world regardless of the situation itself. So, that is what we’re choosing to do with this situation. It’s real life and that’s the stuff growth is made of.

You see, we have been gifted (although it did not seem like much of an enjoyable gift) with the glimpse of how so many people in our world live. We have experienced a morsel of what an alarming amount of people go through; people of minorities, people of inferiority, people of the 'wrong' sort because of their race, sex, religion, or sexual orientation. We cried over the inequality and disrespect we received and we were outraged over the passiveness we felt we had to abide by. How was it possible that at home we can be assertive and confident, yet that weekend we were forced to be quiet and reserved about the judgement and disdainful comments thrown our way? Where was our right to defend ourselves and be heard? Where was our right for respect?
But the reality is, we are privileged to know what those rights are, that those rights even exist. We have seen women here, women who live in the apartment beside us, that are likely caged in their homes.  They look at us while we hang our laundry with deep, sorrowful eyes and then smile shyly and embarrassingly when we wave to them; like  we have just gifted them a special secret. Do these women have the same privilege of exercising their rights just as we do? Perhaps they do and we are assuming the worst, however we do know that hundreds, thousands, maybe even millions of women do not even have the ability to walk outside alone. They are forever judged, forever put down, forever denied the chance to chase dreams. But we have already chased just one of our dreams; we have chased it to this country, you might even say to that boat.

There is an alarming amount of 'prestige' that is dished out on just about every opportunity here in Bangladesh. Nearly every person we have met has boasted about their recently obtained Masters degree or Ph.D. Literature, math, physics, engineering, economics, you name it and they've got it. Even often with honours. It is clear that the authenticity of much of this 'high level' education is questionable. We have heard from many different individuals that it is not difficult to purchase these such prestigious awards. How sad that this country cries out for the need of honesty but even the academics are among the corrupted.
We are frequently frustrated with this boastful attitude and have tried on many occasions to explain why we ourselves do not have our Masters, but it only falls on deaf ears. You can see the eagerness in their eyes, and the triumph in their expression when they hear your shortcoming... the superior attitude is ignited and the flame is as strong as ever. There was usually no point in even continuing the conversation when this occurred on the boat. But why this attitude? Why this quest to spout off every single academic accolade? We believe that this prominent behaviour must come from somewhere, that perhaps it is even a learned behaviour or an adaptation from being continually repressed and treated this way in their past. They have clawed their way up to a high level academic platform, and they will be damned if anyone tries to push them off.

We wondered if we- just by the pure fact that we’re white and foreign and rich and educated- makes us a threat.  Probably it does, and it makes sense. To us in North America, we have this strange and privileged view that “the sky’s the limit” and “if you work hard, you can achieve anything”! Some of these slogans have been with us since we were young- attempts to build our motivation and the ever important Self-Esteem. But here, it’s like there’s a limited amount of good to go around, and if you see your neighbor get ahead, that means there’s less good out there for you to have. And this breeds insane jealousy.

Karen told us a few tales from her 10 years of experience here and they really helped make sense of it all. She told me that there is actually a work in Bangali which means quite literally, “to seethe with jealousy over someone else’s successes”. Sounds pretty harsh hey?  The other story was a fable that was told to her by a friend. It goes something like this:

            There was a young man, and through his actions he please Allah very much. Allah was so pleased in fact, that he told the young man that he could have anything he wished for, and double that would be granted his neighbor. He had until Sunrise to decide. Sunrise was almost upon him and Allah cried, “my son my son! Have you decided what you wish for”? The young man thought for a while and finally said, “I wish to be blind, but only in one eye”.

 From this you can see how deep these feeling of jealousy and competition go. This is a country of nearly 150 million people, competition and ruthlessness is essential to life.

This is Bangladesh. This is how people live.